This post was prompted by an unsettling experience I was forced to endure whilst standing by the Cute is What We Aim For merch table at warped tour. I saw two pre-pubescent 12 year olds dressed in bright red short-shorts and flip-flops, strut over to the CIWWAF signing line, lift their shirts up to their training bras and ask the boys to sign their stomachs. The most amusing part was seeing the boys each hold their sharpies as far away from their bodies as possible and turn away while they autographed the little girls' stomachs, as if they were autographing a car crash. The girls proceeded to strut (with their shirts hiked all the way up) over to their dad, who took a PICTURE of the signatures.
First of all, I'm sorry, but if you are under the age of 16 or so, and you go up to a guy in a band asking for it like a little prosti-tot*, most of the time the only further attention you'll get is five dudes in a band making fun of you on their tour bus.
In addition to the incident with the toddlers and CIWWAF, I saw at least ten warped whores walking around in heels. People don't give a shit what you're feet look like at warped tour (or any rock show for that matter), you're going to break an ankle, and frankly, I don't really understand what you're doing at "punk-rock summer camp" dressed like you're going to prom (well prom in a soft-core porn film to be exact).
About to whole "sign my boob" thing, it's 2007, hair-metal is OVER, boob-signing is OVER. It's not attractive to anyone, and it makes you look like an idiot. I would like to thank The Matches, My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Placebo, and others for directly refusing boob signing requests.
A much better way to get a band to notice you, is to talk to them. If you see them around (and if they're not in the middle of something), while fully clothed, approach your favorite band member and TALK. Chances are they'll talk back.
Lastly, DO NOT MAKE FAKE LAMINATES OR BACK STAGE PASSES, trust me, techs, security guards, and even bands themselves have no problem kicking you out and embarrassing you in front of as many people as they possibly can.
Granted, their are acceptions to these rules, some bands are still made up of horny bastards who love them some groupies, and if you really need to reduce yourself to associating with these people, who am I to tell you not to?
-jersey sarah
*prosti-tot: (n) tween or teenager who dresses, acts, and whores themself for attention. (Can be used as a verb) Like prostitution, but there is no money involved in "prosti-totting".
warped-whore: (n) any female wearing heels, mini-skirts, stalking members of bands at warped tour, and/or asking for boob-signage.
warped-man-whore (n): That sweaty dude in the green day t-shirt who stands outside the circa-survive bus waiting for Anthony.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
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